Thorns & Limps

What do you want, taken away,
What is it that He can do, for you today.
What thorn is stabbing your flesh,
What is it that gives you no rest.

Is it a thorn like Paul's, a Jacob type limp,
Has God mined, with you, the truth,
So as, you know what is meant.
Is it something that holding you powerless.

Have you asked Him to take it away.
Did He tell you, that it's here to stay.
Does this bother you, deep down inside.
Then look to Gethsemane, there you'll find.

He had a cup, only He could bear.
He ask that it be take, then and there.
Not by my will, but by Your's be done.
Guess what God told His only Son.

What do you want taken away.
What would make you happy, today.
Is it about His will, or your happiness.
Or, is what's troubling you, pure blessedness.

Count it a blessing, friends, for this is what it is.
A black velvet backdrop, created just for him.
He is like a diamond, shining bright as clear.
Against a black backdrop, O so very more clear.

Richard.

A break from the Poetry

I've been musing in rhyme for a very long time, so I thought a change of pace would be nice. I have discovered that I'm very distrustful toward everyone, I don't like being in crowds of people, I do enjoy company, but I feel alone most of the time. Even those I think I trust, I am finding that I don't trust them, not really. All of which, leads me to ponder: How much do I trust God?

It's easy to mistrust men, we are all evil, when I say evil, I mean, we all have our own interest at heart, whether we will admit it or not, our motives can be found wanting. God on the other hand, is not evil. But, do I trust Him completely. I will tell you I do, but does my actions, speak the same language? I may never really know, I am very hard on myself, leftover stains of years of self-contempt have clouded my vision. It is extremely hard to quantify spiritual matters, we are to worship in Spirit, pray in Spirit, and walk in Spirit, that doesn't look anything like what people consider to be worship, praying, or walking. Jesus tells the women at the well, that the time has come for a change, the Father is looking for people to worship in the Spirit and the Truth. The ramifications of that statement for me is: religion and religious acts are throw completely out the window. Am I wrong. The text reads:

Joh 4:20 Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, and you people say that the place where people must worship is in Jerusalem."
Joh 4:21 Jesus said to her, "Believe me, woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem.
Joh 4:22 You people worship what you do not know. We worship what we know, because salvation is from the Jews.
Joh 4:23 But a time is coming — and now is here — when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father seeks such people to be his worshipers.
Joh 4:24 God is spirit, and the people who worship him must worship in spirit and truth." NET

So to quantify my Spiritual walk in the terms of man's traditions seems a bit of a folly. Jesus does states that "they" will know you are His disciples by having love for one another. Do I love God and others?

I spent years in bondage to shame and self-contempt, trapped in a shell of self-protection, I wouldn't allow anyone to get inside. I was determined never to feel the pain of betrayal, abandonment, and abuse, of any kind, ever again. The sad thing about building a fortress is that, although, nothing can get in, nothing can get out either. Trapped inside this shell was a lonely and desperate place. Searching blindly for something I could not describe, lead to years of addictive behaviors. For me, it was sex, and drugs. To say, those years were pain free, would be the biggest lie very told. For me, love and intimacy equaled sex. If you loved me you wanted to have sex with me, if I loved you I want to have sex with you. (one of the byproduct of being sexually assaulted at 6 years of age) So, coming out of the shell, I had, and to some degree still have, a inability to love and or be loved. I am learning to love, slowly, God is teaching what it means to be loved and from that I am learning to love God and others. The song lyrics: "Love hurts" is so very true. It is becoming more apparent that the issue is trust. I still do not want to be hurt. Although, God is showing that, that pain, is not as bad as the pain of the years in the shell. He is also showing me that to love and be loved, I can't hide my heart behind any protective barriers, so pain is inevitable. Knowing that "man" is going to hurt me, intentionally or not, is a hard one to sallow. I can trust that man is going to hurt me, so I am inclined to protect myself. But, who am I now living for? Is it myself or am I living for God. If I am living for God then, do I trust Him to see me thru all the pain and strife in this world, counting it as blessing to suffer and be able to love? I would say that is that is the easiest and hardest thing to do. I know God would never hurt me, I know that God wants me to reach out to my fellow man and show His love.

It happened, not to long ago, I found myself hurting badly over something that happened, with someone I love. The hurt was staggering, I literally was unable to cope with daily tasks, for a week I was lost and staggering through life. Then God gave me a vision, a vision of my relationship with Him, and how it was more important than any other relationship or circumstance in this life. He brought me back to what's most important, Him. First things first, then all else is but nothing, for He will and does take care of the second things. Wow, I came away from that stronger than ever before in my life, stronger in my spirit, stronger in this new life, stronger in my conviction to keep my heart exposed and to welcome love, and let love flow, and less fearful of pain. I walked away from something that years ago would have been a death blow, feeling hurt, but not dead. I not only survived that, but God showed me I could withstand anything, trusting in Him to see me thru.

I am I loving and trusting more? I'm not going to worry about that, I going to trust that He is in control and is leading me in His ways.

Richard.

The New Day

The breaking of a new dawn,
the coming of a new day.
hearts waiting impatiently
birth pains are here to stay.

We stand on the edge of eternity.
the new day unfolding before us.
for an imagination wild and free.
the possibilities are enormous.

Frightened, anxious, scared and excited.
only by faith is sanity provided.
there's no hiding or running away.
for all will see the dawn of the new day.

For some it's just a fantasy,
for others a dark reality.
For some a coming blessed event.
for others eternal confinement.

The earth is shaking, ready for a change.
the star and constellations, eager just the same.
the sun will burn out, the moon will fade away.
All will see the coming of the new day.

Richard.

The I's have it!

I must have, if I am to fly.
I must have, or else I'll die.
I must have, to rise above.
I must have, if I'm to love.

I may have, it's Your will.
I may have, You died on a hill.
I may have, You want me to grow.
I may have, You told me so.

I will have, You gave Your life.
I will have, You made it my right.
I will have, I want You, too.
I will have, all because of You.

I shall have, You paved the way.
I shall have, more of You everyday.
I shall have, I will boldly say.
I shall have, You're here to stay.

Richard.

For the Critics

Written off as apostate,

cause I don't believe like you do.

Won't be going' to heaven,

if it's left up to you.

The yoke you give is heavy laden.

That's not what's suppose to be.

The Bible says His is easy,

heavy laden burden free.

Written off as apostate

cause I don't believe like you do.

I will be going to Heaven,

cause, Thank God it's not up to you.

Richard.

Heart's desire

To know You more, my heart does ache.
To hear Your voice, to see Your face.
This thirst I have, it can't be quench.
Not with folly or pretense.

There's only one thing, my heart desires.
To be in Your Arms, my heart on fire.
Theology for the heart, not the head.
In this, is were I'll make my bed.

To You alone I give my love,
for me there is no other.
To feel Your embrace, to kiss your face.
To lie down in Your resting place.

My heart, it thirst, it pants, it hungers.
With a pain that's so delightful.
The more I get, the more I want
You are my heart's desire.

Richard.